Never ending guilt.
I don't know if this is normal or not, but although every vet told me there was nothing I could do for my boy Kasper, I feel this ongoing guilt.
He saw specialists, but what if there was someone else I could have asked? What if they didn't suggest other options because they didn't think I could afford it? What if there was something more that could have been done if his condition was picked up sooner?
Mostly I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt about his final 36 hours. This little boy, who was the centre of my universe, was on his own at the vet for most of that time. On oxygen.
They took good care of him, but he would have been missing me and his brother and sister terribly.
He was not a skittish, scared cat, but I'm sure he wondered where we were.
The worst thing? He was only two. He had so many issues -- he was dumped as a baby, he had bad teeth, he was deaf, had chryptorchidism, a hernia and finally, was diagnosed with sinister cor triatriatum.
How much is one little cat supposed to take? How is it fair that one beautiful, happy, joyful little boy should have so many health problems?
It will be four months tomorrow and I think of him every day. Many times.
I keep wondering when this will get easier. It doesn't seem like it will be any time soon.
Author Alicia Member since Dec 11, 2011