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Complete mess and Funeral arrangements

Very long post I know, but you can read the paragraphs in italics if you don't mind reading a lot. Question about burial/cremation are the last paragraphs.

I don't know where to start as i had my dog put to sleep not even 1 and a half days ago. I've been pretty much hysterical and absolutely bawling out my eyes every waking momnent and screaming at everyone and anyone. His was my little baby, my rock and the apple of my eye and made me very happy - the reason why i woke up every morning. i started uni earlier this year (i've worked on my folio, did quite a few short courses, etc for it the past 2yrs making sure i'd be accepted) in the city (i've live about 1 hr away.) But everytime i returned home (8.30am classes and finished at 8.30pm every night) i would always find him crying and whining because i wasn't there, he'd always be so happy to see me. I took leave of absence 2 months into the semester because i couldnt take leaving him all by himself during the day and night. Always busting to go to the toilet and hungry. I was constantly thinking about him.

the past 4 or 5 weeks have been super hectic, very expensive, unbelievable stressful and traumatic. My dog was a maltese shitzu cross and he was 15yrs old. I was told he had many, many problems, including, heart failure, kidney disease, fluids in his lungs and stomach, arthritis, eye ulcers (very recent), blindess, cataracts, black skin diesease and seizures and/or fainting spells. That's naming most of the issues. They never really figured out whether he had seizures (although the neurologist said he probably had them in the past) or if they were fainting spells, she is that they probably were fainting spells. Werribee gave him another primary vet who specialises in the medicine department at melb uni as his vet. The female neurologist was nice and understanding (she said she had to put her dog down with quite similar symptons to my little one). The other vet from the medicine department was nice too, during the last consult, she stayed back to see us, she held him most of the time and kissed the top opf his head three times.

He stayed over night and during the day at the local vet and also was an in patient at melb uni in werribee. I was hesitant of going to the local vets because every single time i went there i saw a different vet - no joke! i would ask for the first vet that i saw the first time i took him there but she wasnt available. I literally had consults with 6 different vets and spoke to at least another 2 on the phone when i was waiting to get blood results or when they said they'd call me back. E.g I waited almost 2 days to get blood results back. The cardiologist said he'd call me as soon as he got the results, at 9am but i only got the results when i called back at 6.30pm but had to wait another 30mins for another vet to call me and tell me the results. they have 17 vets at my local vet, i've spoken to practically half of them already! I never saw a vet for a consult more than twice, which was two vets since i made an appointment and made sure it was a vet that i've seen before.

I finally got a referral (i asked my cousin who is a vet 3 months ago but he wouldnt give it to me) to see a specialist (neuro) at melb uni in werribee. Its very expensive over there and in the initial consult I actually saw 2 neurologists (one resident and the other a lecturer). They said he had heart problems so they couldnt give him an MRI (which was the reason i went there). Its not a quick trip, its at least 1 hour and a half drive in good traffic, about an 1hr and 15mins in a taxi taking the tollways in good traffic. Last night i wwent there was a friday night and it was late, i was stuck in peak hour traffic for over 2 hours! I had to get from one side of town to the other.

On the last night of his life he couldnt sleep, he wouldnt sleep and i didnt know why. He stayed up whining the whole night and i stayed up with him of course. I dont know why i didnt take him to the vet, so they could sedate him and let him sleep. Im such an idiot to let him suffer for so long. It wasnt til i shoved some of hios anti-seizure medication down his throat at 6am then he fell sleep. i messaged my cousin to see if he would give him a check up so i called and made an appointment. This point Im dealing with 3 vets; local vet, cousin (who was his reguloar vet but hadnt seen him since feb/early march) and melb uni in werribee. Do you know how hard and frustrating it is dealing with two vets let alone three? I had to remember and relay info back and forth. I didnt want to deal with my cousin since he told me quite bluntly and very rudely before i went to the specialists that i should just put him down. I spent nearly $2500 at werribee in less than 3 weeks plus another $1200 on taxi's getting there (i postponed getting my car repaired, since my first priority was getting my little baby feeling better and hopefully cured).

Then when I saw my cousin he tried to pressure me and getting to put him to sleep even though he hadnt seen him in over 4 months!! And was getting notes from the other vets. I left for like 1 minute standing outside then for some very stupid, ignorant, rash, selfish reason which i will never fully comprehend nor understand why, I went back in. I asked for my cousin again and within 2 mins he was gone. But here's the thing when he was about to inject him i had said i wasnt ready but he STILL injected him. My cousin wouldnt let me hold him so while my little baby was slipping away all i could see was his back and the top of his head. I could only hold him for 5mins since they said it was busy and had lots of surgery. While i was holding him I swear I could still feel him breathing, the most faintest of breaths but I could feel it. Cousin told me to leave. I took the train back, bawling my eyes out the whole time. When i got to flinders i went to the toilet to take a break and to cry some more. i think i had a panic attack or something because I couldn't stop crying and was gasping for air my breaths were really short. Since I was alone (parents and sibling didnt go) i didn't want to go home and I didnt have anyone to comfort me, so i just delayed going home for as long as possible. He was having a good day, eating schmackos in the taxi ride there. He was alert and wide-eyed and able to walk (he usually is extremely weak and cant stand let alone walk). I feel SO guilty and I miss him so much.


So now i'm in the process of making funeral arrangements. I've decided to get him cremated and am going to buy a $500 coffin for him, a $200 engraved photo frame and get one of those keepsake jewellery necklaces, so I can put some of his ashes in it and wear it. I dont if I should get an urn or a wooden/timber box with a photo and plaque. You cant have put a photo and/orplaque on urn's, but the boxes dont look as good(?) as the urn's. And i know its a matter of personal perference but I really dont know what to do and need advice. I have til thursday to decide and pay for everything then only after after payment he'll be collected and creamated. Do people usually chose urn's? I dont know but I want a photo and plaque but urn's look more stylist. But a wooden/timber box seems more practical?? I dont know, please give me some advice. And if you've read all of what I wrote, I appreciate it. I don't know if anyone will read it since it's nearly novel-length. I think Im going to lose it, Ive almost lost my voice from all the shouting and yelling a constant crying all the time. My voice is really hoarse and my throat hurts a bit.

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    • Jenni
      Jenni     Posted on Aug 19, 2012

      I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I have just lost my little 16 year old cat Misty 2 days ago and it does feel like something has been ripped out of you.  I still cry when I think about Misty, I miss her so much.

       

      I have cremeted her and ordered the urn from a separate place.   There is such a huge choice for urns out there and I guess it just depends which one you like the best.  You can also get them cremeted and placed into scattering tins.

       

      I wish you all the best, pray that you begin to heal as we all try to do when we lose the loving companions that we have grown up with.  Hope this helps.

    • emmag
      emmag     Posted on Aug 15, 2012

      Oh you poor dear.  When it comes to burial arrangements, the only right thing is what is best for you.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks grieving is personal.  My mother died last month and my mini schnauzer is gravely sick, it gives you perspective.  whatever you need to get you through this traumatic time.  Remember though that you had 15 wonderful years, you are so lucky! I'm a complete mess and my dog is still alive (just) so I really do understand how awful it is.  All I can say is that it's your dog and you are right to grieve in your own way to deal with this huge loss.  there is no right or wrong, but i believe that a dog is part of the family and should be grieved accordingly.  Their lifespan is so much shorter than ours it makes it hard to comprehend that your baby was in dog terms a grand old thing!

    • Janie
      Janie     Posted on Jun 29, 2012

      So sorry to hear of your loss, we lost our beautiful Kiera in February, still grieving, it hurts so much. We have buried our girl in our front yard, she loved to sit there and watch the people go by. My husband has put a big rock on her grave, and last week we ordered a photo tile from Big W Online, a beautiful photo of her, so we now have that on her grave. We also have one on our cat Topaz's grave, they look fabulous and are very reasonable. Be gentle with yourself, after loving them for so long it takes time to heal your broken heart.

    • Herbie
      Herbie     Posted on Jun 27, 2012

      Dance Queen, I know how you feel and please accept my deepest sympathy. It has been over two years since my little Shitzu x, Herbie, passed away on Christmas Day and I still cry everytime I talk about him. People think I am in a state of depression but it is only Herbie that brings on the tears. I had Herbie cremated and his ashes sit in a lovely carved box with his name on it on a little table beside my bed with his collar, a photo of him, his favourite toy (kermit the frog) and a single red rose. Take care! Sandra

       

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