What is wrong with me ???
My beloved red setter Amber was put to sleep 10 days ago after having her for 14 years. She was my best friend, my bed mate, the apple in my eye, my reason to get up every morning. She developed heart failure, became incontinent and arthritis was getting worse, she appeared in pain and sad, my poor girl was put to sleep in my arms 7pm 23.1.2012 i was absolutly devastated. Since she was put to sleep i have only been able to cry a little bit now and then. i made her a beautiful garden, sit at her grave everyday and wear her dog tag on a necklace where it will always be close to my heart. I miss her so much but feel im in denial or something still, or in shock, i know deep down she is gone but i cant cry or break down. we were inseparatable for 14 yrs, she was my life, my baby girl, what the hell is wrong with me? why arent i a mess like my fam and breaking down all the time? i have never really been one to open up much but i feel so low, selfish and that im heartless for the way i seem to be handling this situation. id give my own life just to hasve one last day with her. Why am i dealing with this in such a bizarre way? The first cploe days after her death, all i done was olay in bed,didnt wna see or talk to peole, had no appetite and was prob drinking more alcohol than i should be etc but now i dnt know how to describe how i feel other than in shock and extremely numb, i lost the most important thing in my life. i useto have many fears in life but to lose my girl was my biggest fear, now she is gone, i fear nothing, i have nothing. what is wrong wit me??? i hate feeling like this
Author Sad_ash Member since Jan 24, 2012