RIP my beautiful boy, Neko
|16/11/11 - 16/03/13|
|Pet Type:||Bengal cat|
His da bird toy, Prawns, Kong toy and Cuddling up to me on the bed
Intelligent Inquisitive Cuddly Kissy Cheeky Cranky
To my beautiful, perfect little boy, Neko. How I miss you more then you could possible realise.
Words cannot describe the love I have always had for you, the moment I saw your picture, without even meeting you I had fallen in love with you. I looked all over Australia for the perfect Bengal to come home with me and you were just the one I was looking for. In your photos you were so cheeky, pulling the funniest little poses and in almost every photo you stood out. I could pick you straight out of the group like a mother can tell her son out of a large crowd.
The weeks leading up to the moment where I could take you home was the slowest time of my life. The days ticked on and nothing else seemed to really matter.
The moment you arrived at the airport it was love at first sight. You were more beautiful then I ever would have imagined, as soon as I heard your first meow it just melted my heart. As I dont drive you came on the train with me but didnt like it very much as you kept meowing but each time you meowed I would touch your little poor and it seemed to give you the sense that I was there fore you when you were scared.
As soon as I took you home I had an entire room set up for your with toys, a bed, a huge cat tree, food and water bowls. I followed all the advice of the breeder of allowing you to explore first and not to overwhelm you with the space of the house to quickly. Despite this advice you just wouldnt stand for it. I would leave the room and you would sit at the door and start crying for me to come back to you. I let you roam around the whole house and you were so cheeky. Played with almost everything you saw around you. I would often hear you meowing from another room when you werent sure where I was and I would come running to rescue you.
As the time went on your grew up very quickly, always doing new things and astounding me with your playfulness and intelligence. You would chase flies, fly with everything that moved and you were generally a very happy kitten.
When my partner came home from Europe he also fell in love with you instantly and we became a family. I miss how you would lay on the bed with us and just do something so incredibly cute it would make us both smile. I miss waking up and you sitting there looking into my eyes.
We later moved houses and you got your own backyard to go outside and play which you loved. As time went on I decided that I thought you were the most beautiful cat in the world and wanted you to be a show cat. You didnt like this very much, you being your grumpy little self and all. You were so spoilt that if anything didnt go your way you would take a stand. I cherish the memories I have with you at the show and all the people coming up saying how beautiful you were. You would have been so proud of yourself.
After the second show I stopped taking you as I knew you werent that fond of it and didnt realise why you were there. That was fine with me and I was satisfied enough with the ribbons and prizes you had already won. I knew how beautiful you were and I got to show that to everyone else.
From day one I knew your favourite food as it was the only thing you ate when you came home and that was prawns. The smell of them would make you meow straight away.
As I worked full time I decided to get another cat to be your friend. You didnt like this at all! You had changed personality and become very grumpy, growling and hissing at her. I guess you felt like she may replace you or become the dominant one but that would have never, ever happened. I always loved you the best and it was you who stole my heart. I decided to keep Nala as I knew in time you would realise it was good for you and you began to fall in love with her. I have so many pictures of you cuddled up to her and licking eachother and now that your gone she misses you very, very much.
She hasnt been as playful or energetic as she used to be, she is hardly eating and usually sits in a box and sleeps. I guess thats because you bought the best out of her as you did also with me. You became such a grumpy little boy, always whining when I held you and getting very grumpy when you didnt get your own way. That was fine as I knew that you knew you were spoilt and loved and it made it even more special when you were affectionate again.
You grew up even more intelligently and actually knew how to sit and shake hands. Such a good boy you were.
The day that the tragic accident happened was one of the worst days of my life. Me and Jonathan were out getting some professional photos done when we received a call from the emergency vet telling us that you had been run over by a car. We got to the hospital and I expected you to not look as good as you did but you still looked like my perfect little boy.
I looked at the x-rays and started crying immediately. You really were hurt but what a brave boy you were. Even the vet had commented on how astounded he was that you were so well behaved and so brave. I sat with you and told you I love you which I hope you understood and knew that. I sat there and held your little paw, petted you and just sat there with you.
The surgery for you was going to be very expensive and money I couldnt afford but I do realise now you were worth a million times more then what I gave you up for. I felt your life wouldnt be the same if you went on living but looking back I now wish you still were alive. I made the biggest mistake of my life by putting you down but I just hope that is what you would have wanted. If I knew that you wouldnt have wanted to go on with life I could finally accept my decision.
I sometimes wonder why this had to happen to you and not the many other cats who roam the streets but I know you wouldnt like me to think like that or for me to be in any emotional pain.
When you were being put back to sleep I sat there petting you. It was so sad that because of injuries on your neck then I was unable to scratch in your favourite spot. When the vet injected the fluid my mind for once in my life went numb. I thought once you were gone I could feel at peace with the fact you are no longer in pain. At least it was peaceful. You let out your last few breaths and you were gone.
I wish there was a way you could come back to me and tell me I did the right thing or that I could just hold you and pet you one last time. The time I spent with you at the time felt like enough time to say goodbye but looking back I should have given it a few more hours or days to spend with you. Sometimes I wonder though if that would have been selfish keeping you the way you were just so I could have longer with you.
There is not a single day that goes by where you are not on my mind the entire day. I think about you always and how much I love you. I have tried to find peace with the decision I made but there is nothing that comes close to having you with me. I picture you every day. Where you would be sitting, where you would be laying next to me on the bed and often I dream of you. I even sometimes hear your meow playing in my head. This lets me know you are still with my somehow.
All your toys and ribbons from the show are all in the cupboard for you and Nala hasnt played with any of the toys that reminds me of you. You and I had a very special bond and one that no cat will ever come close to having with me again. You werent just a cat. You were my best friend, my little boy, my companion, my champion.
I have tried to figure out what happened to you. I worry about whether you were in pain or whether you were scared. Was it an accident? I wish you hadnt gone outside when you did and I wish more then anything else in the world that things happened differently then they did. I am sorry for the decision I made and I am so overwhelmed with guilt, regret and grief that living day to day has become incredibly difficult. A part of my life is now gone and a part of the family has dissapeared which has left an emptiness in the household which you once filled with your cheeky, playful nature.
I have decided to cremate your ashes and I am now trying desperately to find someone to perfectly sculpt and paint you so that you can become one again and still feel like you are with us.
I have so many fond memories with you and I hope wherever you are that you are happy. Nothing will ever replace you or who you were. Your life may have been short but your memories will last a lifetime.
Me and Jonathan miss you very much and will always love you.
I look forward to meeting you again when the time is right.
Goodbye for now my sweet little man. You will always be remembered and cherished.
We love you so very much.